WE ARE ALL IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH INSTAGRAM

Its not just you we are all in an abusive relationship with Instagram. Now I’m of a certain demographic so my exes are Myspace and Facebook, plus countless forums (but that was in my early experimental phase, over the top, kissing no tongues). These new models I’m sure are exactly the same, but I think I’m too old for partners like snapchat and tik tok. But I believe ‘courting’, ‘dating’ ‘seeing people’ is the same throughout all eternity. You meet a new social media out and about, through a friend of a friend, you flirt with the idea of connecting with it. Eventually you bring it home and introduce it to all your weird and wonderful hobbies, it encourages you, doesn’t make light or say it’s embarrassing, on the contrary, it tells all its friends, puts you on a pedestal for all to see. You think this might be the one, no-one has ever treated you like this, you seem to be at the centre of their world. Their friends become your friends and you feel you have reached a kind of utopia, your family get involved and before you know it, the relationship has gotten serious. The quirky art you made, you start to tailor some pieces for them, make them special editions, some one offs. They are over the moon and are so proud, they start showing not only their people, but people from all over the world, their connections are so good that you start getting noticed outside your own social circle and start leaning on theirs. Together you believe that you can make a go of it, you could turn you weird hobby into a livelihood, if all these people are interested, why not. You wouldn’t need any of the traditional media to get started, this mix of people who you know and this new circle of growing individuals who, just like you for what you do. You think of the famous saying ‘If you build it, they will come’. Your very own business baby, you quit your job, put your website up, add the shopping cart and all you have to do is create, keep the stock coming and dispatch your art all over the world. You are having the time of your life, you have thousands of people, clicking and purchasing, browsing and commenting. You start making real money, seeing a real future, your work is getting better and better with this new found confidence, life together with your social media is an absolute dream.

And thats when the gaslighting starts, your social media partner starts not telling his friends about you, the proudness it once showed your creations starts wavering. You notice that the friends you shared aren’t really supporting anymore, you have a sneaking suspicion they are actively not even being shown by your partner. Their seems to be other people your social media is spending time with, it seems to be speaking an awful lot with that high end jewellery seller over there, it is definitely holding hands with that indoor plant shop, is it kissing that kitchen accessory bot!!!!  You are still putting your heart and soul into all your own creations, the products you have been making a far and beyond what you thought you were capable of ever. You have never been proud of yourself and your achievements before. But here you are in this dichotomy, you and your partner have lost the spark. You watch Youtube videos, employ some mentors, visit a online social media relationship counsellor who tells you the top tips this month to get the relationship back on track and if that doesn’t work they will tell you nexts months, next month. The relationship is dying, the real sad thing is, only you are willing to put the work in, you overcompensate, try to make the work they like, do it at the time they like, say the things they like you to say. It feels like it works for a little bit but nothing really brings you back together. You speak to your friends in the real world and they ask if you are still doing your business thing? Or how is it going? Where are you working? You find out your partner has been actively turning your friends away from you, not in a outwardly confrontational way, but in a sly, weak, gaslighting, underhand way. They keep you inside, make you invisible, make them forget about you, so that all you have left is them. They control; what you do, when you do it, how you do it, how you dress, how you talk, what you eat. They make sure none of it truly makes you happy, but all you have left is them, so you stay.